Words that profess love always get to me... argh!... I'm such a sap!

"What have you done to me? I'm so in love with you right now. I don't think I can let you go. I don't want to share you either. I love you so much it hurts..." - this from a guy who wasn't always so emotional when it comes to the yucky love stuff... it counts a lot!

I love him with all my heart.

Christmas just went by so quickly. My group performed at the Manila Peninsula which is equivalent to The Plaza of Manhattan. We basically sang carols and pop songs to the delighted crowd. Made me feel all good inside to know that we were able to entertain the people who watched us perform.

With the three nights that we sang our hearts out to the guests of the hotel, my honey wasn't able to see or hear us. He was unavailable. He felt bad that he couldn't devote much time for me the past few days. I understand. Commitments can't be easily dissed. They are kept. I would just want him to know that for as long as I know that if he could go, he would've, then I'm content. Intentions have plus points too.

He gave me a bottle of Clinique Happy... and told me that he can stay over at my place (note: I still live with my parents which is pretty common here in the Philippines given that I'm still 24). I actually think that the staying over at my place thingie was better than the perfume, but who am I to complain when receiving gifts, I love gifts.

His blog talks about some things which happened the last few days which I really don't want to talk about much. Maybe sometime soon. I do however love the fact that the outcome of it all is that we both ended up loving each other more.

I miss having a bialy and coffee with him at this cafe where we had breakfast the day before Christmas. I love the fact that my mom acknowledges him as my boyfriend and that I don't have to "hide" his existence. He's legit! My mom's starting to become a flame dame... she'd make such queer comments that would get me frozen. My mom's cool and I love her.

Today's been freakishly busy for me. Tons of backlog with work. I hate it. Annoying subordinates. They take their vacations before completing their tasks. I swear to God. I wish they'd be more considerate sometimes. *sigh* Well, on a lighter note, my friends and I are meeting up with a friend who entered the brotherhood for La Sallian Brothers (FSC). He's been there for more than a year and I would think that during the holiday season, they would get time to spend with their families meaning time to go out as well. I hope he's doing great. I'll catch up with him and the other at Greenbelt Mall in half an hour. I'm suddenly craving for food from MYLK (My Little Kitchen). Oh wellz... :)

It's been eight months with Jagard and I think I'm loving him more now than ever before. Mostly because of the fact that I know him more now. I've seen how he is. We've gone through much the past few months. Of course I am also anticipating more things to come, good and bad. We're still planning that wild trip to Bangkok... hopefully soon. I can't wait. Last night was great. Gave him a semi lap dance. Ha ha ha... It was fun. I loved talking to him face to face, eye to eye. Only an inch of space between our faces. He said I have nice eyes. What a sweetie.

This week will be another grind for me. Things just keep coming. I really hope I can take this much pressure. Been listening to this CD my honey lent me. It's actually quite good. Various sounds. They call it World Music. I guess I should know what World Music is but I can't really say that I do. But this CD is giving me insights on what various music can be like. I always liked Enya.

Hiya peeps... I have yet to gain inspiration to write the lost journal entry... meanwhile... my honey now has his own blog. You could check it out by clicking this link --> Jaguar Lord.

Most of the time, my honey really ends up getting me all reved up for something exciting. Other times, he gets me to unleash my inner Tao, my Oprah. The weekend was quite interesting. Got to talk to him about ourselves, and how we see each other. I'm glad he now knows that everytime I'm with him, and taken to somewhere alien to me... like a comic book store... I feel like I'm transported into his realm. The realm of the Jagard. Funny thing is, I feel safe. Mostly because I know he's there to show me around. I love it. :) I like the fact that I can share these short moments with him. I'd like for him to know that each visit to these stores get me more and more indulged in his world. Not to be sucked in but to gain the ability to live in it. A dual citizenship of sorts. Bohemia and Arcadia (can't think of a cooler counterpart).

The week's a mess.. I need to organize my time!

What a weekend...

Friday... helluva drive to my alma mater (De La Salle University). It took me almost two hours to get to a place that's hmmm... maybe 4 mi away from my office. Anyway, I was riding with a friend and eventually dropped her off in front of the university and I went off to pick up my honey at the nearby mall. He was so pooped when I saw him get in the car. Poor baby. We headed back to the school and parked the car. Knowing we were late, we still enjoyed the nice cool breeze (yes folks, there was a breeze in Manila). I was singling out some spots in the school to my honey, mentioning names of buildings and stuff like that. It was fun. Showing him where I spent some of the more unforgetable moments of my life.

Got to the La Salle main chapel, people were already singing. My friends were already seated on the left side of the chapel. The atmosphere was amazing. The performers (also friends of mine) were doing arias from various operas. These singers have not had formal vocal training and they sing as if they were professionals. Amazing really. Last year I was part of the list of performers and did "Nessun Dorma" from Pucini's Turandot. When we got there, I was hearing Vittoria by some composer being sung by a friend and she sounded amazing. All the performers did. It was such a treat!

After the recital, we all decided to head on out for dinner (late dinner that is). Went to The Power Plant Mall and ate at Dencio's. It was so much fun as people would be throwing all these side comments at each other. My honey was away somewhere to check out Page One (a bookstore) and see what they have to offer. Apparently, they have the same books as in Powerbooks, only more expensive. So we chatted the night away till it was about 1ish in the morning and we all had to head off.

The next day was a bit "messy" as plans to head to Tagaytay were still up in the air. Down to the last minute when I asked my dad to take me to me and my friend's agreed on rendezvous. -to be continued- (i think i just ended up deleting my post! FUCK!!!!)

I'm a part of this thread called Issues concerning Straight-Natured Gay Guys and posted a message in response to a couple of messages made to insinuate that being what I am makes me seem self-righteous...

I "uttered"...

On being gay-natured...

Not all gay men exhibit gay qualities and traits (i.e. the stereotype the entire world has linked homosexuality with). Examples of which are being Streisand fanatics, loving Show tunes (for the others, this refers to Broadway music), love for anything artistic, love for classic and romantic literature, and of course, having a fault-less fashion sense.

On straight-natured-ness...

It is possible that a gay man could have no stereotypical "straight" qualities as well as a gay man having not a single trace of "gay" qualities (Jaggy, raise your hand). I for one am not purely straight natured as I exhibit too many gay traits that I could pass for a queen (bwahahahahahaha)... but I also have some "straight" traits that just happen to be things I'm proud of as well. I'm proud of them because they help in defining who I really am.

Declaration of one's straight-natured-ness...

I think I have only declared my "straight-natured-ness" on this thread but people I have contact with (friends, office mates, etc.) don't have labels for me. They see me as who I am and as how they know me.

Empowering faggot-y ole me with my uber macho straight traits...

Hmmm, I love driving. I know a few who can attest to that. I wish I had a Camaro (a yellow one). Sporting activities always give me a rush. I especially like the ones that get generous amounts of adrenalin from your system, i.e. wall climbing, hockey, white water rafting, and so on. Come to think of it, I feel empowered. Not because I have (some) macho traits, but because the activities give me control of things.

Discrimination

Effeminate gay men discriminate as well... they mock their straight natured counterparts because they see them as "self-righteous and egotistic". I think it's just the same. When one uses another person's beliefs, principles, etc. as something to judge that person (negatively or otherwise), it is considered prejudice. When one uses that prejudice to "label" and eventually "discriminate" against a person or group of people... that sucks. But I believe discrimination will never be removed from this planet. For as long as everyone has their own prejudices over anything, it will still be the same. It's all about how one acts on these prejudices that could affect other people and eventually lead to something good or bad.

Sheesh... I never realized how long it has been since last I posted. FEK!

What's wrong with not feeling Chinese

At a swimming gimmick at the nearby country club, me and friends were talking about individual features. I mentioned that I don't seem to think I look Chinese even though I am 7/8th Chinese. Obviously, they laughed. They said I so look Chinese it's not even funny. I honestly never saw myself as having a definitive look, meaning, if someone sees me, they'd initially think I'm Chinese. Not true.

I went into a semi-monologue about how many times it has occured that I have been mistaken for being either Latino or Eurasian. (hence the phrase... "... I am Eurasian..." came to being which I'll talk about later). I would always end up being talked to in Spanish or some even speak Portuguese to me. They would be amazed to find out that I am actually Asian (well, Eurasian... hehehehe).

What the hell do I mean when I say I am Eurasian... I have descended from Euro stock, more specifically British (my grandfather is mixed Chinese-British and was from Hongkong) and Spanish (my grandmother's great grand father was apparently a Spanish friar). Those Euro genes I got from my mother... hence, I almost declared to the entire pool (with other kids, and parents around) that I actually am Eurasian. Obviously, I just announced it to my friends.

No perks really, it just adds some character to my profile. But seriously, how Chinese do look... really? FUCK!

Employee satisfaction is a big deal in the company I work for. They invest so much on coming up with surveys and evaluation of how they are doing when it comes to making the workplace fun and less stressful. They have initiatives like focus group discussions to get input from employees of how the firm is currently dealing with its people.

I have a few things to say but did not get a chance to have them pointed out during one of the focus group discussions I participated in. Just recently, we received information and confirmation of salary increases. I'm relieved to know that we still got an increase even though the market was really bad. What I'm not liking right now is the blatant aesthetic projects the company is undergoing which I know cost much money.

There's this new area in the office which could be an interior designer's masterpiece. In all fairness, the look is fab and really impressive, Herman Miller chairs all over, a possibility of Philippe Starck chairs and tables as well. I love the furniture, but not the price. For a company that's trying to lessen their costs by laying off people or downsizing, they sure know how to buy expensive furniture. The Herman Miller chair alone costs $600 - $850, and there are dozens of them. There is a set of chairs that cost about $2000. For me that's quite expensive. What I don't like about this whole thing is the company openly showing that they can spend millions on furniture, image, etc. but not on its people. WEIRD!!!!

New of bomb threats all over Manila looms this Friday night. Doesn't bother me at all. We never made news like that into such a big deal. I mean when did Filipinos make anything a big deal. Ah... when Judy Ann split up with some budding young actor or when Rico Yan died (God rest his soul!). But bomb threats never shake us. I bet you all them fabulous peeps are still going to be in Malate or Eastwood... hell even Rockwell. Bomb threats aren't made into a big deal.

Even during a time when it should be made into a big deal, especially when just yesterday a few bomb explosions happened south of the county (in Zamboanga), you'd think people would be a tad scared of staying out late. It is because we don't take these threats into such a big deal.

We live life to its fullest by the minute. Death is temporary because life after death is eternal. Oh well, off to the resto and have me some fondue! :) mmmmmmm....

Caught the first episode of "Six Feet Under" last Saturday on HBO. I thought it was a really good series. Cool story line (based on the initial show). Good cast. I love the fact that there's a gay character in the story.

General storyline of the show is there are two brothers who ended up inheriting their deceased father's business, a funeral home. One of the brothers never wanted the whole idea earning a living from the dead just coz he's grossed out by it, while the other, took on much responsibility of managing the business. Their mother having a fling with some guy, and their teenage sister getting it on with this cute guy (in an Eminem-ish kinda way).

Would love to catch the new Hannibal film, "Red Dragon". I dig the dark atmosphere of the Hannibal Lecter (so says my honey) movies... I also have a crush on Edward Norton, he looks like my ex (sorry honey... but know that I don't love my ex anymore). I don't know, I just ended up liking Edward Norton, especially in "Primal Fear". Really cool actor. :)