Looking at the Afternoon Sun

From my office (er cubicle) window, I can see the afternoon sun shining down on the city of Makati. I feel the warmth of it despite the airconditioned space. People are minding their own business and thing are just casually taking place.

Work has been great so far, minus birth pains of course, but generally, yeah... it has been great.

Going through my big cubicle I see photos from when I was with my mom in Bangkok, that Starbucks on Soi Langsuan will forever be my favorite. It exudes so much coziness and warmth that one feels at home when seated on one of the suede upholstered sofas. I also see a picture I took of the detail work done to most Thai temples. I never thought there were actually glass chips embedded on the walls. Glass chips of different colors. Blues, reds, whites. The gold paint adds drama and elegance to the structure.

I look above and a sheet of green construction paper is filled with dedications from my staff here at work. The best of which reads "you're probably one of the best things that happened to me" (from one of my staff whom I have worked with for over three years).

Everything else is just clutter and some amount of effort to place decor on my table. A Thai elephant, a Danish mermaid souvenir, an Indian picture frame of a "crystal powder" drawing... heck, even the Jollibee figures from my recent birthday bash (my staff surprised me).

Life's been good so far. I do, however, remember what a friend told me about a philosophy him and his friend though of. That God is either JUST or GENEROUS. Makes you think right? I think He's being quite generous to me lately. I wonder how Just we will be soon.

Escape

es-cap-ism

–noun
the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.

It is odd to find oneself in a state where you just do not want to deal with reality. When friends become characters in a movie. When work becomes a haven for not thinking about what is real and happening. When everything else in your life, except being who you are, is no longer real.

Times like these, I end up thinking why am I where I am at now. What brought me here? Why do I have to be here? Questions that do not seem to get answered with how I am coping with things at the moment. It is these exact questions why I choose to just focus on other things instead of myself.

Watching episode after episode of Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives, catching the latest feel good movie, or going out drinking pretty much all week. Activities that get me out of reality so I do not have to deal with it. It sounds pretty sad, or weird, but I find myself wondering if that is who I really am.

It just dawned on me that I am someone who would rather live a movie than be *sigh* me.