Wouldn't we all want to be in this locker room right now!!!!



photo by Francois Rousseau

I'm so sick of this blogger template. I wish I had time to change it! FUCK!!!!!! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

For my honey...

THAT'S ALL
by Michael Buble

I can only give you love that lasts forever,
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all,
That's all...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter's night
That's all,
That's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love even time can't destroy.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all.

For my dear friend Angelo... feast your eyes on "Under the Tuscan Sun's" Raoul Bova.... YUMMMYYY!!!

Raoul in GAP ad

I wish I was the bed... damn sheets make him look hotter!!!

A hectic, fun-filled Friday was capped with a sour note...

Friday morning was Greenhills for me and friends. Bought some DVDs of "So Close" (with Karen Mok), "Matrix 1", and "Hero" (Zhang Zhi Yi and Jet Li). Then it was lunch at Pasto one of the more decent Italian restos around.

We all then headed to Makati for some R&R... The Spa at Bel-Air... fun fun fun!!! When I checked the time it was already 5:45PM and we had to meet another friend (it was her birthday). We picked her up from the office and drove to The Fort for some amazing Indian food at Prince of Jaipur. You know an Indian Restaurant is good if Indians themselves swear by it.

Dinner was capped with a nice dessert at Pasto again (this time at The Fort). A cup of Lavazza coffee is always nice on a cold windy night. Finishing my drink, I knew we had to go since I'm catching a concert by 9PM at Onstage, "Songbird (Regine Velasquez) Sings Streisand".

The show was amazing... very classy!! What an artist! I love her!

After the movie I found out that my friend was still in Makati so I asked to hitch a ride with him. He said they were still watching a movie so I thought why not go with them. I found out that they were going to watch "Under the Tuscan Sun"... OH MY GOD!!! Can you say AMAZING MOVIE!... Add to that the spectacularly gorgeous Raoul Bova... YUMMMMMMYYY!!!

Sour note is now sweet. I'll talk more about that tomorrow.

I have now been in my current project for almost a month now and things are just slow since I'm still learning the ropes. I'm not complaining. I like the "rest". Recently, I've been conversing with an office mate of mine who's been through so much career wise and funny thing is, he is also thinking of moving on. I have been contemplating that for more that two months now but I'm just timing myself so that I know I won't make a premature step.

Next year would be exciting. I heard from a friend that West Side Story is coming up. I want to audition mostly because I'm more akin to the voice type required by the musical, classical. I won't mind being a chorus boy, I'd love it actually. I'm sooooo excited. I can't wait. Wish it were soon.

Also, my honey sent me this questionairre and thought it would be interesting to answer:

This is The Soundtrack to the Movie of My Life:

opening credits: If You Could Read My Mind - first part(Studio 54 Soundtrack)

waking-up scene: Flower Duet (Lakme)

average-day scene: Babylon - David Grey

best-friends scene: Perfect Day - Hoku

first-date scene: That's All - Michael Buble

falling-in-love scene: Someone Like You - Jekyll & Hyde

love scene: Already There - Chicane

fight-with-friend scene: Bent - Matchbox Twenty

break up scene: Last Flight Out - Plus One

get-back-together scene: You First Believed - Hoku

'life's okay' scene: Aguas di Marco

heartbreak scene: Missing You - Freestyle

mental-breakdown scene: The Long and Winding Road

driving scene: Drops of Jupiter - Train

lesson-learning scene: Young Hearts (Broken Hearts Club)

party scene: Missing - Remix (EBTG)

happy dance scene: Toda Menina Baiana - Gilberto Gil

regret scene: Swallowed (Bush)

long-night-alone scene: Sometime Somewhere - Ryan Cayabyab

death scene: Credo (Missa 2000) - Ryan Cayabyab

closing credits: If You Could Read My Mind - from Jocelyn Enriquez' portion to end (Studio 54 Soundtrack)

What the... even my mom said so...


Separated at birth?!?!?!?!?!




You should know who I am and who's the other guy right? Anyways, the other guy (CJ Suarez)is a World Champion in Bowling who recently bagged the World Championships in South America.

I just heard from a friend that Springfield just opened a store in Greenbelt 3. I can't wait to get my hands on their stuff. Grrrr... I got to know about this Spanish/European clothesline from a friend of mine here at work who went to Madrid last year and pretty much got a lot of their stuff. Now if I can find a way to pay for what I'm deviously plotting to buy. :)

I really liked this ...

Become a God or Goddess. by zerogirl
Name:
God/Goddess of	Creation
Element:	Lightning
Animal Companion:	Dragon
Weak against	Heat
Weapon:	Desert Eagle
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Reluctant Hero
Date when you fufill your destiny	January 7, 2022
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

The latest craze on the internet here in the Philippines...Friendster. I currently have 112 people linked under me. That simply mean I at least know 112 people who are on the damn thing. I don't know though if these people actually had a part in my life considerable enough for me to call them friends. Most of them do, especially my closest friends. Some of them are acquaintances who I find comfort in knowing that I actually know them.

Thing is, a lot of people pass us by and it's usually up to us to make them important in our life. If we really want to connect with them on a certain level. It's actually our choice. As for me, I chose to get these people a part of mine. No matter how small or how big, they have done something to me or with me that I can consider path-changing.

I spent half my Saturday with my honey and we went to the mall to catch a movie afterwhich met up with a close friend of mine for a few cups of coffee at Bizu and Coffee Bean. That was a very steady night. Not much hang-ups. Not a single downer. I loved it.

I honstly miss my closest set of friends, the Chorale. I have not seen them for quite some time now and I fear that I do not know what's been going on in their lives anymore. I would love to just hang out with them the way we used to. An entire evening of non stop laughs and "shows".

My honey and I are planning a trip with my friends for summer next year. I'm hoping it will push through. The guys and I haven't really gone out of town together, you know, just us. That would be cool. I've been looking at package trips to every friggin island here in the Philippines and I'm glad that I'm seeing good stuff. Hope this really pushes through... argh!

After a long hiatus... again... I have finally found the time to record my life (or at least attempt to)

After my 25th Birthday two Fridays ago, things have been quite slow with work. I am now in the transition phase where I will be moving from one project to a new one. There's too much mixed emotions really. I will miss this project as it has been my home for three years. I was actually the one who started up the project which goes without saying that I have seen people come and go. Life is weird. Moving to the new project leaves me with a couple of apprehensions. All I really care about now is that I will be happy there. *crossed fingers*

I have also been going to the gym more regularly (as I was forced by gym buff jagard... hahahaha kidding honey). I love going to the gym coz I feel that I am doing something good for myself. I have taken it a step further by also taking a fat burning drink every morning and evening. I really hope it works. Will tell you all how it does after a month or so.

My baby and I have been feeling more and more stable and secure about our relationship and we hope that someday we will know what our future will be and finalize what we really want out of this relationship. I'm glad that we're still together and still much in love with each other.

Lastly, the volleyball competition here at work started last week and our team had to finish a match the other day. I am now a coach. It's tough and pressure keeps building. I won't care. I will focus on the task at hand. Good thing we won that match (5 sets, not good... need to work on defense). Can't wait for next week. :)

Bloggers beware... yours truly is a quarter of a century old.. TODAY! Thanks to all my friends for always being there. :)

Ralph Lauren. A hopeless romantic, you love love.
You are a free-spirit, who paints and explores
nature in her freetime. Ever so girly, you like
flowery things that capture the innocense you
project. Often a bit Bohemian, your style is
usually relaxed and comfortable. Guys adore
your cuter-than-life-itself nature and free-
love philosophy.


Which fashion designer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A movie rarely gets me feeling something intense after watching it. Only a few comes to mind right now; Schindler's List, Sense and Sensibility, Braveheart, and much much more recently (like a few minutes ago), El Crimen del Padre Amaro (The Crime of Father Amaro). It was too real for my own good. It was very much familiar. It was too Filipino to be a Mexican movie.

I usually hold my emotions when I watch intense movies. For El Crimen, it was no different. No matter how much I am visually stimulated by the movie, I was still quite in control. An experience, that's what El Crimen was all about. It's just like the first time you've fancied a clergy man.

I'm no saint, I've had my share of Amelita's experience. Sex with the religious. God knows why I'm writing this down. This is probably why this movie felt so close to home. Although I did not feel love, I did feel so much for my past, the experience. Too real.

Thank God... I'm so glad to know that Chip & Reichen of The Amazing Race 4 are in the last three teams. We all love Reichen but Chip Arndt looks so adorable in this video. Cute!!!

Since my dear friend Angelomilco started this whole bag thing, I too want to make it known, that this is what I've been dying to have for the last few months. Damn Jack Spade knows bags!!!

My version of Carson Kressley's (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) bio...

Bocceli was born in 1978 and received his first piece of couture at the humble and tender age of 2. He slowly learned that he was a gifted child by realizing that plaid and stripes never go together and pleats make your butt look huge. He developed his keen fashion sense on the playground, mixing and matching outfits of all the children in his head and daydreaming of a world where everyone knew it was a cardinal sin to wear white after Labor Day. This constant daydreaming caused him to excel in the fashion world but still made him the first boy chosen in gym class.

In his professional life, Bocceli is an closet stylist who spent many years working with local fashionistas, specializing in the design aspect of women's evening wear. He also aided in fashion styling for his current company's dress code.

Oh how I wish he can make me over. :) ... not that I need one ... hahahahahahaha ... Kyan will be the only man I'm going to allow to blow dry my hair.

Car-ma

It's been a few weeks now and I'm still anxious about getting a car for myself. You see, lately, the car I have been using for years has been hogged by my mom (well, she did buy it).

Since my mom started working again, now for an all-girls school as an administrative assistant, I have been going to work through the kindness of my dad. The daily (weekday) routine has been, mom leaves the house at around 6ish. I wake up around 7AM and prepare for my day. Dad comes in around 8ish. We leave around half past 8 to reach the office 9 - 9:30AM. I have been doing this routine for almost a month now. It's really getting to me.

I know, I know... why can't I just take public transportation to go to work. Sad and annoying thing is, I don't want to. I'm prissy that way. I can already hear people screaming "shame on you" from miles away. I honestly don't know why that is.

Given my usual financial situation, I don't think I can afford to get a new car in the next few months. I really wish that wasn't the case. I can't stand my dad feeling tired everyday for having to be my mom and I's "driver". Sometimes I just try to look at it this way, at least if he's driving, he'll have less time at home = less time hearing my mom nag all day.

Financial management will again be the focus of my daily life, at least for the next couple or so months. I desperately need to get a car. A friend mentioned that her friend is selling their 2000 Civic A/T at P380K ($7K). Not bad. All I'd need to do is look for the following: P38K ($700) for downpayment of the loan, and P20K ($400) for car insurance. Hmmmm.

Money matters sometimes burst my "daily fun" bubble. They always creap into your fun day just about the same time you are starting to have fun in your day. I am too annoyed. BUGGER!!!

The weekend that was... too stressful.

Friday was Honk! night. My friend Rony was the musical director for the Manila Production of this amusing musical (music written by George Stiles book and lyrics by Anthony Drewe). The songs were all too fun that there would be times I'd be catching myself humming along one note after the other. It has a very straight forward story so it wasn't too intense for my already aching head (mostly from the week's work). After the show I headed off to Malate to meet up with friends at Cafe Breton. Stayed there for hours chatting the night... morning away. Checked out the new places from the outside. I realized that it really had been a while since I last went there (I think I was with Jagard that time). It was fun seeing the peeps after a year. We then took a cab heading home. I was feeling groggy. I still had enough sense to give Jagard a ring before heading to sleep.

Saturday. Forget it. I don't even wanna go there. I miss my baby!!!

Sunday. Church in Greenhills got filled up with people again as they knew the group would sing again for first Sunday mass. It's nice to sing again after a month of hiatus. Miss belting. :) After mass, I had to pick up my folks from the house (since they didn't go with me earlier). We headed to our relatives place. Fifteen minutes after, the loud high pitched voices reminscent of my childhood days once again irritated my ears. God can these women talk. Women. Got to hang out with my cousins (there were only three of us that time since the others had classes, on a Sunday! -- soon to be lawyers). After lunch, we decided to go to the nearby Starbucks to chat. That was quite interesting how free flowing our conversation was. Thing is, moments like that are rare since I'm not very comfortable with these guys as much as I am with my friends. Mostly because I have not yet come out to them (I honestly don't know if I ever will). Anyway, yesterday afternoon was tolerable. Enjoyable. Fun even. Wish I had more of those.

P.S. update my photo journal... it's kinda fun doing it. :)

FUCK this!!!! I'm too furious to even fathom the people with shallow minds who cam up with this.

Thought it would be cool to do a pic journal seeing that I already have a digicam I bring along everyday. More than just pictures, they can tell people about what I see... what my eyes capture.

The weekend that was... I honestly don't even want to talk about it anymore. It's getting to be too redundant. Mutiny, coup, rebellion... whatever you call it, I honestly cared less. I did however appreciate and congratulate the efforts the initiators of that "military rally" made. Very confident, bold and daring.

Spent the weekend with my honey (Jagard) and caught the Jolie flick. It wasn't as bad as how some of my co-workers made it seem. I actually dug the film. I didn't care much for fabulous dialogue or whatnot, all I cared about was the fact that Lara Croft kicked ass. Wish she wore better boots though. Her boots were quite ... er... butch. Ha ha ha.

Just surfed a favorite site of mine... (sorry, I'm a huge fan of Regine Velasquez). I saw this video for the first time... the girl can "fly"... check it out here. I think belting high notes while on a harness, "floating" uhm... almost 30 feet above the audience is a feat yet to be matched. One of her signature pieces is an Aerosmith hit. She kicks ass with this rendition of "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing". Wish I had her lungs. Damn girl... you make us proud.

God... I hope my honey doesn't leave me... hehehehehehe

Bwahahahahaha... this says it all...


You are the horniest of the horny. You want ass,
and you want it now. Lookout world, because
you are on a mission.


How Horny are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

Honey... we really need to talk about this... hahahahahahaha

Cool... I'm pretty much the same with my other friends :)


Nerdslut


What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

from "Les Chansons des Roses"

Dirait-on by Ranier Maria Rilke (French version)

Abandon entouré d'abandon,
tendresse touchant aux tendresses...
C'est ton intérieur qui sans cesse
se caresse, dirait-on;

se caresse en soi-même,
par son propre reflet éclairé.
Ainsi tu inventes le thème
du Narcisse exaucé.

========
translation
========

The Songs of Roses
So They Say

Abandonment surrounded by abandonment,
tenderness touching with tenderness...
It is your interior which unceasingly cherishes
itself, so they say;

cherishes itself in oneself,
by its own enlightened reflection.
Thus you invent the theme
of the fulfilled Narcissus.

Sometimes people tend to find out that how they deal with their own selves is evident of how they deal with others.

A good example is moi. I feel as though I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I always end up giving myself a tough time when I don't achieve what I want to achieve. I'm very hard on myself when I feel like I can't deliver something I've set my goals on.

This kind of pressure on me has somehow been exhibited on the expectations I have of people around me. Maybe not in the exact same way but more of I expect people to be their best. This is one thing I have yet to get rid of.

Earlier today I heard on the radio that a writing competition was opened for budding writers of novels, shorts stories, etc. I immediately thought of Jagard. He comes to mind simple because I think and feel that his writing is most unusual to me. I have constantly noted how much of a writer he is and always remind myself that he is one talented guy. After informing him of the competition, I was initially excited that he showed some form of curiousity about how to join the contest. After sending him a message containing info of what I got from the radio commercial, he sent back a message that really got me to sigh. (as he expected). He expressed concerns of not being able to be at par with the other particpants and all that stuff. Initially, I was aback by that statement, thinking "why would that be his initial frame of mind". It never made me understand why there are people who just end up thinking bad thoughts about probable endeavours.

Lucky for me, I just underwent training that helped me understand where Jagard was coming from. When I found the time to drop him a line, I immediately took the chance. What I got from the conversation was that his main concern is not to perform well and not liking the whole experience. He's also saying something about his preference of knowing that a number of people find his way of writing very impressive rather than knowing that he would not fair well in a competition.

I guess it was also hard for me to understand that because I'm a person who's gone through so many competitions since I was young. Elementary, High School, College and even now at work. Academic, Non Academic, name it and i've probably joined it once. That's most of the reason why I'm not seeing Jagard's point of view. I reason I've participated in so many competitions is because of my motivation to succeed all the time and just beat the hell out of the others. Probably because of I was initially insecure about my sexuality and I tried to prove my worth through these competitions. Winning equalled acceptance.

I'm blabbing. I probably need to shut up now. Gotta call Chicago!

Probably the cutest Green Lantern I saw... :)



I wonder how his ring feels with just being stuck to his finger.. :) hehehehehehehehe

Ugh... and I soooo wanted to be Wonder Woman

I hope I can bear with this new temporary set up for my blog even though it looks unsightly!!! UGH!

My blog has not been working the last few weeks and I'm getting pissed. Too many things have happened I wish I wrote about. Sadly, I can't share it with you. Sucks when things are not working out. Hating this!

Interesting how I get to know more and more about friends I haven't seen in a while... actually, a very long while. It's nice to know I now have a way to sneak up on their lives in one way or another. Angelo, my friend in fashion (hahahahaha). He likes Giselle as much as I do. He's probably the only one I can talk endlessly about the kick ass Gucci's or the latest D&G Trenches. He's one amazing guy. Found his blog through my honey's endless surfing (hehehehe). I like how he calls himself on the blog... Angelomilco. Him and his hunski should be proud. Congrats Angelo. Hoping I could read more and more from you. :) And as our friend Carver would say... You are loved!

A friend's surprise birthday party got the entire group plotting a very memorable celebration. A couple of peeps hired a male stripper for our friend (who's gay). When our friend arrived at the venue for the surprise party we all sang him the usual birthday greetings and got him blowing his birthday candle on a mango cake. We led him to a room where the girls were hiding Danny (the stripper). After the candle blowing, a sound of a saxophone being played could be heard from the component nearby... emerge Danny. Danny was dancing like a snake being charmed, swaying his body to and fro. Gyrating his pelvic area with much ease. Our friend was lead to a stool that was positioned in front of the group. It was as if we were watching a stage show. (well it was).

Images of Danny's zips being undone were quite, er, eerie. I've never witnessed a "strip show" in my entire quarter-century lifetime. As he un-zipped his fly, he was teasing the "crowd" with his schlong... all eight inches of it. It was really huge! I mean seriously, for an Asian guy... that's got to be a prosthetic. I mean ... (I guess I've established the gravity of the situation... and how big this guy's thing really was). We were all glued to his pubic area as he would move his waist and make some interesting movements. The guy was such a huge tease. He'd get a foot on top of another chair and get his thing rubbed on my friends mouth... while he was still wearing underwear. Danny would then go around the room and just get himself in front of everyone's face. Some were laughing, others shrieking... tough room. Filled with straight women and gay men. It was a riot.

That same show went on three more times, with each time Danny losing more and more pieces of clothing. The last segment was the towel dance. Damn... that towel made his schlong look bigger. It looked like an entire arm. The strip show ended, Danny went home, people were still commenting on how big the stripper's thing was. It was a very interesting experience. We all went to where the food was at. After getting tired from all that laughing and gasping (some screaming), we thought we needed some nourishment. While the peeps were chatting about, I was constantly bothered by calls from the U.S. It was starting to annoy me. I was supposed to be at a party and work should not be on the list of things I'm doing. Wish I just turned off my phone. Damn. After tons of food, and soda, we all headed to our friend's bedroom where all of us (11 or so), found ourselves yapping tilll 5:30AM. At this point, I felt so drained. I hitched a ride with the birthday celebrant together with four other peeps. Six people in the car. ha ha ha... bad! Got home and just fell asleep in an instant. The weekend that was. God save me from this week.

Mah baby is back!!!
Yipee ya yay. I'm glad the episode is over. I wouldn't have known what to do had you not been there anymore. I love you!

My blogger code: b6 d t- k- s- u-- f- i- o x+ e- l c (decode it!)

Could this be one of the signs for the times...same-sex marriages.

Mush day...

I Am
by Rosie Baca

Close your eyes and open your mind
There's no limit to the things you'll find
Listen to me closely as I speak
I'll be your strength when you become weak
When you're hurt I'll heal your pain
When you're lost I'll keep you sane

I'll be your eye when you can't see
I'm what ever you'd like me to be
When you cry I'll dry your tears
When you're scared I'll ease your fears
I'll keep you warm when you're cold
I'll love you more as you grow old

I'll pick you up when you fall
I'll come when you call
I'll keep you company when your alone
I'm someone you've always known
I'm your best friend
you can call me your other half

When you're sad I'll make you laugh
Don't bother searching
I'm no where to be found
I'm more or less an encouraging sound
I'm always there
to help you make the right choice

When everything is silent I'm that voice
I'm someone you always knew, I'm you.

After almost three days of worrying it's finally confirmed that my Jagard is checking out of the hospital tomorrow. Thank God.

The feeling is weird. It's like you have no control. You want to hold on to it but you can't. Things can go anyway they want to. That's what I felt when Jagard was rushed to the hospital last Monday. Too much to handle. Helpless. No matter how much I wanted to see him then and there, I can't. If you don't know yet, I'm kinda off limits (in a way) from his family. I don't know how they perceive me. If I'm this person who corrupted their son to gay-dom. They already know that I "was" Jagard's boyfriend. It has been press released to them that we are no longer together. So, going to the hospital would be a tad too close for comfort. That's why I feel so helpless. I want to... but I can't. If I do, I might not see him forever. I'm glad he understands. I was crying that Monday night coz I had no news whatsoever of how my Jagard is doing. I seeked comfort from watching Season Five episodes of Sex and the City (how queer). That made me feel more lonely.

Season Five focused so much on the four girls' friendship. The side of their relationship with each other that audiences don't usually see explicitly. Here, emotions were overpouring. So many questions were raised. Damn Carrie Bradshaw. The entire six episodes... not a single fashion faux pas. Argh!

Anyways, yesterday was more calm for me. Got SMS from Jagard almost the entire day. Called him last night and I cried again. He was still in the hospital. I couldn't bare the feeling of not being there for him while he's in that state. By this time I'm sure you get the fact that I'm such a cry baby.

Now, I'm happy knowing he's gonna be home tomorrow. I'll be able to talk to him. He'll be able to hear me say how much I've missed him, and how much I love him. How much I would never want to go through that two day ordeal again. He he he. I love you, Jagard!

I'm sad... my Jagard is in the hospital. Still unsure if he's going through with an appendectomy or some form of it. He was experiencing pain since this morning and went to the doctor before lunch. His parents were probably worried by early evening when the pain was still there. They rushed him to the hospital an hour ago. I'm just hoping he'll be fine. He can't go to the gym for a while afterwards (if he's going to be operated on). *Sigh*... I've never felt something like this before. Worry. Scared. Unsure. I pray that he'll get through this safely. I love you Jagard!

Looked at the website of the Asian Development Bank yesterday. Checked out if there are positions I can consider. I always thought I'd end up in that institution when I was still in college. I am still an economist by heart.

Sadly, after going through the list of positions that are open, I can't find anything I was interested in. Most of the positions were admin and research, positions I would've been semi-interested in before. Now, I was actually looking for I.T. jobs. Eeep, I'm a full blown I.T. person now. Ugh.

I also checked out the market for I.T. consultants in the U.S. and there are a lot of positions. For obvious reasons, I'm not so keen on applying. Wish it was that easy. Seeing that I'm from a reputable company, I would think it's easier for me to move on to other companies. Damn money problems. Bugger. I just can't wait till my next assignment. Show me the money!!!!!

I finally have time to write something relevant... bottom line is, my family is now (semi) broke.

A brief history, my mom retired April of 2001 at the age of 55 (i think). She saved up money from years of working. She had the house remodelled. I chipped in. After two years since the house was dressed up, we're now non-liquid. My dad hasn't worked since the early 80s so that's not even a good place for me to seek financial comfort from.

Basically, now that both my parents are not working and are no longer earning, I'm the one who's to take the responsibility of putting food on the table. I am up for it, don't get me wrong. It's just that I feel I'm too young to have such responsibilities as earning a living for the family. My status now is head of family and God knows what tax excemptions I get from the friggin' government.

I had to give up independence for a while since my parents need me for now. My mom's planning on selling the house and get a new one, smaller, enough for both of them. I on the other hand would get my independence by then. It was a tough decision on my part but I already knew what my decision was the moment I heard the words "would you be able to help us out?"... I'm not used to this. It's annoying me the past couple of weeks.

Called a meeting with my parents a week ago and told them that all of us need to pitch-in in order to survive this family crisis. My dad, as always, unaffected. My mom's all... "I'm tired of earning a living... it's all up to you guys now... I wanna do things I want to do for a change..." blah blah blah. Not good. I promised my mom I would give her 20K which she needs to pay for mortage, utility bills, etc. I am still to give 5K a month for food. Damn, that's 10K every month. Major bugger. I'm still paying for gasoline for the car. I hope this will soon pass.

I'm just glad my boyfriend is always there to give me words of encouragement. For as long as he doesn't bug me in any way about anything, I think I won't snap. I'm very edgy these past few weeks. Emotional, yes. Smiling... always!

Days have gone by so fast, I can't even take a breather to think of what happened. But I can say "thank you" to a dear friend who helped me make this blog functional again. It needs more tweaking and I hope he won't run out of patience for my ignoramous mind. Thanks Nelz for everything.

I'm changing my commenting system. So sorry. Please pray that this works. Damn YACCS is acting up!

I can't believe this whole blog updating thing can be soooo annoying. All these changes that need to be made. Sometimes makes me think that I should've have touched it at all. But change was inevitable. Change is constant.

Hmmmm... something's different. Whatever it is, I wish it would make things better. Have I got some interesting stories lately. Will post later.

Fuck today. Started really bad. Didn't have food on the table. My mom just left for church. Argh. Went to work and hoped my morning would go well after a big breakfast from McDonald's (who knows why I'm craving for it). There's a new McDonald's branch near the office and for some reason, other offices too. Friends and I went there to see tons of people lining up just get their friggin' sundae or pancakes... to go. UGH! I wish I trusted my instincts by just grabbing a bite at Starbucks. Nasty appetite.

On a different note, I feel that my hair was really kind to me today. I think I was able to tame it with that L'Oreal Out-Of-Bed thingie. Nicely messed up. I love it. I'm hoping to see my honey later. *crossed fingers*. I'm starting to be a bit horny. Waaahhh... I also can't wait for Saturday (tomorrow). I will be conducting a church choir so the first rehearsal I will be attending to would be tomorrow, I'm excited. Although I may not see my honey come rehearsal time, he understands that I want to do this and I'm hoping for his support. *mwah to my honey* Weekend's near. Can't wait!

Got me thinking... this is something we should all think about.

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's or even the early 80's, probably shouldn't have survived.
- Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
- We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.
- As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
- Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
- We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!
- We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
- We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
- We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
- We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
- No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable!
- We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went outside and found them.
- We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
- We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?
- We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.
- We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not poke or put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
- We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
- School leagues had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
- Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.
- Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
- Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.
- The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them! Congratulations. This is also for those who have had the good fortune to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, "for our own good."

wish I was him... er... I know my honey would allow me to get it on with him... just one time. :)
Ian Lawless
what a man!

The Philippines, and most of the Catholic world, is celebrating Holy Week. Sucks that it had to fall on me and my boyfriend's first year anniversary. We will, however, take our revenge on coincidence. I hope it pushes through. We'll be checking in at the Pennisula next week. It's my honey's birthday on the 26th. I'm still thinking what I can get him. I won't be giving him that Bluetooth thingamajigger. It's kinda expensive. Although I wish I could.

Earlier in the day, I just learned that I could purchase a Nokia 7650 for only Php 100 ($20). That would've been really cool. But I was persuaded by my friends and my boyfriend not to. It's not that big of a need for me now as my 8890 is still good. It sure would've been cool though. That's fine.

I'm so weird. When I had so many things to do here at work, I was so pissed coz I can't do other things aside from work. Now that I'm free, I still can't do stuff just coz I'm stubborn. When there's work, the load's really bad. When there's not much work, the (lack of) load is still bad. Sheesh. I need to get a life.

After a decent talk with my honey last night, I am now firmly resolved to improve myself physically. I need to get rid of this horrible (absolutely horrible) gut. Lately I've been noticing that my pants are getting a tad too tight on the waist so that's not very good.

I used to proclaim my fabulousness because I don't go over 170 lbs in normal conditions. But last night, while talking to my honey over the phone, we were chatting about excercises for the calf muscles when I suddenly stepped on the weighing scale in my bathroom. To my horror, I saw the numbers 180 go past the marker/indicator. I almost fainted. If not for my honey calming me down, I would've fell of the weighing scale and hit my head on the floor. After calming me down, he was able to get me off the scale and relax a bit more. He then encouraged me to go step on the scale one more time. With my eyes closed, I stepped on the scale. Right foot, then left. I was on the friggin' scale. Openned my eyes. Looked down. WHEW. I'm 175 lbs!!!! YEE HAW... I know I know, it's still not as fabulous as I would've wanted it to be. Now I'm aiming, not for weight reduction, but visible results. Less gut, leaner look. More streamlined, and I need a friggin' chest!

Food intake for the day:
BREAKFAST
five protein cookies with semi sweet chocolate chip
non fat milk
SNACK
cup of coffee
small portion of rice cake

.... hope I can last. Pray for me will yah! Thanks!

Which Saiyuki boy are you?

Take the Saiyuki Quiz at anime-doll.com

No shit...


You Are The Suave Gay Man


What Type Of Gay Man Are You?
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Just a quick one... I can't believe it's been 11 months since me and honey hooked up. I can't wait for the next months till forever. :)

In this world where every human being seeks for stability, certain things come to my mind. Before anything else, I'm an artist. A son, a boyfriend, and a best friend. Being an artist, I don't think I'm living the life I want. I once chatted with my manager (he was in Dublin) and we were talking about how crappy things are in Manila, why were we working so late, and other shit like that. I told him that it was just the way us Manila folks work. He told me that it's not worth it. Asked me what I would do if I were given the choice (anything). I answered, sing. When he asked why I'm not singing I was lost for words. I had nothing substantial to give him as a response. Am I to be one of those people in the movies who never went for their dreams and just became content with easy living?

I've always imagined being an artist (quasi Bohemian at most). There too much running through my veins and I fear that one day I'll just burst... into song. :)

I was told by a friend that it shouldn't be that difficult to live that dream, but not in the Philippines. I agree. Stability is still a big factor for us Filipinos. I then told that manager that, maybe it's the encouragement, the push I need that's not there. I'm thinking I'll need someone to drop kick my ass on a stage to sing my guts out.

So, should people still reach for their dreams given the high amount of risk involved? Should I attempt for being the person I truly am? What the FUCK should I do???

Just thought I'd post on something that's been on my mind. I have affirmed to myself that I will be moving out from my parents' house an live on my own. Me and my honey haven't finalized plans but there are plans of moving in together. We won't be together all days of the week though as we would definitely need time for ourselves and be with our respective families on weekends or special occassions. I am just curious as to how things will pan out. If we'll actually do well with living in one place for a long period of time. I'm also hoping that we wont end up on each other's necks by the first month. I have heard some stories but I don't know if those stories would apply to us. Watching Sex and The City isn't helping much. I don't know if I will actually be used to having someone around that often. I remembered the whole single eccentricities we all have would get dumped because we are sharing a place with another person when we live in together. Do we really have to sacrifice our single lifestyle for a piece of bliss? Why is moving in so damn complicated when all we really want is to be close to the person we love? Are gay men really for domesticated paradise?

Damn you ... that was such a funny post on "gay roomies" from Dan Savage's column... which is why I'm going to link to it here.

By golly does time fly...

I can't believe I have been out from my journal for ages. It's been too long. Too many unforgettable memories that will remain where I kept them... in my heart and mind. Memories of my great relationship with my honey. We've been doing great so far. The bad things that came our way have been good reminders of ourselves and our individuality. Like I said to my honey, the conflicts or issues we've been through end up being lessons learned in my mind. They're not at all bad memories or bad experiences. More of things I will be charging to experience, at least my wisdom account would improve.

Sang my honey a song one night. He cried. I guess it's because he felt what I was feeling the moment I was singing to him. For those curious about what song it was, I did "Someone Like You" from the musical Jekyll and Hyde. It's one of my favorite love songs. My honey even wrote about the experiece (me singing to him) you can check it here. I loved every minute of it. The song represented everything I felt towards my honey.

Love you baby!

By golly does time fly...

I can't believe I have been out from my journal for ages. It's been too long. Too many unforgettable memories that will remain where I kept them... in my heart and mind. Memories of my great relationship with my honey. We've been doing great so far. The bad things that came our way have been good reminders of ourselves and our individuality. Like I said to my honey, the conflicts or issues we've been through end up being lessons learned in my mind. They're not at all bad memories or bad experiences. More of things I will be charging to experience, at least my wisdom account would improve.

Sang my honey a song one night. He cried. I guess it's because he felt what I was feeling the moment I was singing to him. For those curious about what song it was, I did "Someone Like You" from the musical Jekyll and Hyde. It's one of my favorite love songs. My honey even wrote about the experiece (me singing to him) . I loved every minute of it. The song represented everything I felt towards my honey.

Love you baby!

Sheesh.. new year... beginning...

I got this email today from a friend, makes me think these are things I should start focussing on, again.

More often than not, we let the idea of LIFE eat us up. but what if we just stuck to the basic rules of life? You know, the things that we learned when we were just kids. basic rules that seems so simple, we take them for granted...or is it just that as we grow older and wiser(?) we find it harder to follow them...


Don't lie.

Don't cheat.

Don't be selfish.

Be good.

Say your prayers daily.

Don't take your friends for granted.

Eat your vegetables.

Smile.

Say thank you.

Love unconditionally.

New year... beginning the year with my arms around you, my honey, will always be cherished. Here's to more new years with you! I love you!