Love's desires...

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks
for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude... (Kahlil Gibran)

Is this what every human being desires for? Love? No matter what people hear about it, is it really worth all the pain and suffering one feels? Is it really what we seek? How much of ourselves is actually given to our loved one? Why am I sounding weird?

For the past (almost) six months, I have loved (and still do) one man. Though times have been rough on both of us, there's a part of me that feels the fulfillment of having someone there to care for and shallow as it may sound, to make love to.

I have lately recalled how it was that me and my boyfriend got together. Fun thoughts, really. I'm more focused on the fact that one would never know what one has until it's gone. I've been to states like that. A simulated parting if you may consider it. It really hurts. It's like I know how bad I'll really feel if I part ways with my honey. If I remember correctly, it crossed my mind twice. Two occassions that could've ended things. One was of my doing, the other was his. But it would seem that on both instances, I ended up appreciating him more. In fact, I appreciate him much more now.

His dad has been sick for almost a month now and I was concerned. Although I have never met or seen his parents before, I somehow have a connection with them. I always make note during times of weird conversation that I shouldn't sound like my boyfriend's mom. I wouldn't want to get the same from him. His dad seems interesting. In a way, he reminds me of my own dad. Sometimes rational, most times really annoying as hell.

I also ended up thinking how it will be if we really reach that stage of having to care of one another. It's scary and yet it excites me. I really don't know when things will become more serious for both of us. Serious meaning, we'll live together. Individual eccentricities, proclivities, idiocyncracies... all too exciting.