This Ain't Right

I just got back from choir practice. Voice a tad hoarse. I wanna smoke a cig but crap, I forgot to buy one. I'm oddly sad. God knows why.

I feel like life now has been hazy for me. Sure, I should be basking in the glory of independence (or to some, not living at my parents' house anymore), but I just don't know what's wrong with me.

I read my friends' blogs and I feel a tinge of animosity from their latest experiences. I feel lonely. That's it. Lonely.

It's happened many years ago that I missed out on making better friends of a certain group. Now they've all moved on, and sadly, without me. They're doing well and the chances God gives me to see them on certain occasions are very much welcome. I am happy for all the successes they are getting.

Lately, having gone through what seemed like one of the toughest decisions of my recent life, I still am not at peace with myself. I feel robbed. Again, I don't know why.

I miss seeing my Southie friends. I wish I were with them more. Jealous, maybe, with the fact that they are enjoying themselves here and that they're enjoying without me.

Well, to make things feel better, I do like the evenings I spend with my friends from work. Spending almost every night at Oakwood, at a friend's apartment. Spending weekends at the pool and getting tanned. But I'm again struck with the fact that these people are leaving very very soon. In a couple of months, I'll be lonely and cooped in my condo. All by my lonesome.

I guess it's just one of em days. One of em days that I hate. Fuck it!