After almost three days of worrying it's finally confirmed that my Jagard is checking out of the hospital tomorrow. Thank God.

The feeling is weird. It's like you have no control. You want to hold on to it but you can't. Things can go anyway they want to. That's what I felt when Jagard was rushed to the hospital last Monday. Too much to handle. Helpless. No matter how much I wanted to see him then and there, I can't. If you don't know yet, I'm kinda off limits (in a way) from his family. I don't know how they perceive me. If I'm this person who corrupted their son to gay-dom. They already know that I "was" Jagard's boyfriend. It has been press released to them that we are no longer together. So, going to the hospital would be a tad too close for comfort. That's why I feel so helpless. I want to... but I can't. If I do, I might not see him forever. I'm glad he understands. I was crying that Monday night coz I had no news whatsoever of how my Jagard is doing. I seeked comfort from watching Season Five episodes of Sex and the City (how queer). That made me feel more lonely.

Season Five focused so much on the four girls' friendship. The side of their relationship with each other that audiences don't usually see explicitly. Here, emotions were overpouring. So many questions were raised. Damn Carrie Bradshaw. The entire six episodes... not a single fashion faux pas. Argh!

Anyways, yesterday was more calm for me. Got SMS from Jagard almost the entire day. Called him last night and I cried again. He was still in the hospital. I couldn't bare the feeling of not being there for him while he's in that state. By this time I'm sure you get the fact that I'm such a cry baby.

Now, I'm happy knowing he's gonna be home tomorrow. I'll be able to talk to him. He'll be able to hear me say how much I've missed him, and how much I love him. How much I would never want to go through that two day ordeal again. He he he. I love you, Jagard!